


Sly Sasori

by KLCrazyness



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Jokes, Drinking Games, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Immaturity, Innuendo, Other, Post-War, Swearing, bad words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 19:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10519977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KLCrazyness/pseuds/KLCrazyness
Summary: Kakashi dropped his book, Sai smiled in understanding, Naruto was speechless and Sasuke was ready to scream. No one was ready for what Sakura had to say....





	

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: May contain alcohol, Language, spoilers, innuendos and trace amounts of crack....

‘‘So, Sakura-Chan. Today I asked you, one of the most... conflicting, harrowing-"

"Wow, you know big words"

"Shut up Teme! -questions known to man. It is right up there with; the chicken or the egg, half full or half empty and to pee or not to pee-"

"Idiot..."

"- it will haunt your dreams and harrow yes, your very soul. So Sakura-Chan, I ask you..." he stared deep into her eyes. "Truth... or dare?"

Sakura sighed “really? I know your drunk Naruto, but don't you think your being a bit dramatic"

It was true, Naruto’s already dramatic personality had been tripled tonight, but with good reason. Tonight was team 7's first official get-together since Sasuke returned. Finally they were all back together and Naruto was going to enjoy it.

"Sakura-Chaaan" he whined "Just- Just!.. Okay"

Sakura looked around the table. ' _Are we really going to play truth or dare? Sure, we haven't exactly been partying tonight but still,_ truth or dare?'

She was happy with the mellow little gathering and was just enjoying every one being here. Naruto's enthusiasm, Sasuke’s aloofness, Sai’s cluelessness, Kakashi’s... well he was so into his Icha-Icha he didn't really seem to be here. Yamato... well nobody had really known what happened to him since the war started, rumor has it he turned into a frog lord...(seriously page 11 of 699) anyway, with the light conversation and low key drinking, they had been having a nice night.

True, there had been a couple awkward moments throughout the night, and maybe this could make them more comfortable. Who was she kidding, truth or dare would be awesome fun!

Sakura took a sip from her glass. "Ok Naruto, truth!"

"SHE"S ON BOARD!!!" Naruto cheered.

"Not so loud Dobe" Sasuke leaned away from Naruto, rubbing his ear.

Kakashi lazily flipped the page of his book completely oblivious.

"Shut up Teme!!"

"Guys..." Sakura whined, ' _they have been going at it all night...'_

"Truth or dare?" Sai interrupted "Is that a game?" he asked genuinely curious.

"Yep" Sakura smiled a bit, it was kind of cute how clueless he could be plus she was glade for the interruption "It’s a simple children’s game" she explained "if the person chooses dare, they're dared to do something. If they chose truth they must answer a question truthfully”

"I see" Sai nodded, scratching his chin like they were discussing quantum physics. His serious persona was proof he was a little drunk.

"Ooh, ooh!!! Naruto waved his hand to get their attention. Naruto, on the other hand, only got more enthusiastic with alcohol. “We should make it a drinking game as well! If you don't do it, you have to scull a glass!"

"Sure!" Sakura said, she couldn't see the harm in that. Sakura was _fine_. It was amazing that she wasn't at all affected by the amount of alcohol she had consumed tonight. ' _Consumed is such a funny word... consumed..._ con- _sumed...con-_ sum- _ed... Okay, maybe I am a little affected'_

Sasuke shook his head slowly, taking another sip. Even though Sasuke had been drinking just as much as the rest of them he seemed almost normal. The only real effect noticeable was the slightly dazed look on his face, plus he was slightly more talkative then normal... not that that is saying much.

Kakashi was defiantly the closest to sober, though it was impressive rate of which his glass emptied seeing as he hadn't seemed to have removed his mask throughout the night. Naruto's drunk mind couldn’t fathom this

Naruto was plotting a way to catch him in the act when he realized Sakura, Sai and Sasuke were all looking at him. “Ehh! What you staring for?!"

Sasuke shook his head.

"I believe you’re meant to ask Sakura a question" Sai stated. "That is how you play right?" he looked to Sakura for confirmation. She nodded in reply giving him a small smile.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. He frankly didn't like the attention Sakura had been giving Sai since his return. What was so great about the stupid artist anyway?

"Oh, right! I get to ask Sakura-Chan a question!" Naruto smiled slyly at Sakura. But then his smile fell. _'This could be dangerous, if I ask her the wrong thing she will pulverize me! Better leave it to Sai and Teme'_. He turned to the two boys. "What should I ask her?" he said scratching his head.

Sasuke just leaned back in his chair. This was not his thing.

"I got one" Sai said turning to Sakura "what is the 25th shinobi code?"

Naruto faceplamed and Sasuke deadpanned.

Sakura smiled, "no Sai, you’re meant to ask me a big question" ' _he is just so adorable when he's clueless'._

Sai nodded and scratched his chin again "ok, if the pen is mightier than the sword, why are actions louder then words?"

Sakura giggled, almost choking on her sake in the process.

Sasuke glared, ' _Idiot... and why is Sakura smiling at him so much?...'_

"No Sai! We wanna ask her something personal, something she normally wouldn't tell us." Naruto explained.

"Oh I see" Sai's face lit up in understanding "Who have you performed sexual intercourse with?"

The three teens choked on their drinks.

Kakashi peeked up from his porn. _Did I just hear what I think?_

"W-w... WHAT?!" Sakura spluttered turning red.

Naruto's eyes were wide, Sakura was going to kill them "S-Sai! That’s not exactly-"

"That's way too personal!" Sakura shrieked

Sasuke recovering from his choking looked at Sakura suspiciously "your acting too defensive"

"W-What! No I-"

"Yeah! You are!" Naruto's eye's narrowed, and then when wide in horror "YOU'VE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE!!!"

Kakashi smirked, tonight was turning out more interesting than he had though it would be.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING THAT FROM!? I...I hav- THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNES!!" Sakura yelled, flustered.

"It was Shikamaru wasn't it!? I saw you meeting up with him!" Naruto accused.

Sasuke clenched his jaw.

"What!? No! I told you that was a mission! Besides that was years ago"

"Then who was it?!"

"I’m not telling you that!"

"I believe you must truthfully answer the question" Sai said, seemingly oblivious to the threat behind Sakura's glare "It's how you play the game"

For once Sasuke agreed with the artist. "Hn, Answer the question"

Sakura looked at them in horror. Then remembered the drinking game. "I choose to drink!"

The boys protested but before they could stop her she had skulled the glass and set it back on the table.

Kakashi went back to his book.

"This ain't over Sakura-Chan" Naruto grumbled

"I don't care it’s my turn now" Sakura said blush dying down as she plotted her revenge. Looking between Naruto and Sasuke, Inspiration struck. She turned on Sai, “truth or dare?" she glared.

Sai smiled "dare"

Her face twisted into an evil smile. "Kiss Naruto"

"WHAT!!! WHY ME!" No way was Naruto going to kiss another guy on his team! ' _Teme was bad enough but now Sai?!'_

"You’re the one who started this game! And paybacks a bitch!" Sakura smirked. The alcohol clearly getting to her head.

Sai looked mildly shocked for a second but then shrugged. ' _It was only a game. Lip contact is not that big a deal right?'_ he got up and advanced on Naruto.

"Ahh! No! I'll drink! I'll drink!!" Naruto cried backing away from Sai.

"It's Sai's Dare not yours. It's his choice to drink" Sakura smirked evilly

Sasuke watched the three bewilder. ' _And they say Orochimaru was crazy..._ '

"No way! I’m not going to be the guy who kissed two guys! Just NO!" he stopped yelling as he backed into a wall.

Sai was still advancing. Face blank and hand reaching out to Naruto.

This was the scariest shit Naruto had ever been up against.

Pressing back into the wall Naruto felt a large lump press into his lower back. _'Huh? What’s..'_ but then he remembered and hope surged through him _'Of course! The window! I’m saved!!'_  

Without further ado, he wrenched the window open and leaped out, escaping into the night.

Sai considered chasing him, but then decided to be easier to skull a drink. He didn't really feel like kissing Naruto in the first place.

With Naruto gone, team 7 was considerably quieter. Sai sculled his drink, Kakashi was still buried in his book, Sakura grinned evilly at the window -Naruto's look of pure terror before had been more than enough to satisfy her vengeance- and Sasuke looked at Sakura with slight concern on his face -this was not the first time he suspected Sakura was losing it.

When Sai placed his empty glass on the table Sakura’s attention returned to the game and her evil smile vanished.

“So Sai, who ya gonna pick?” Sakura asked patting his hand to get his attention.

Sai turned to the Sasuke meaning to ask him but the glare the Uchiha was sending him was intense enough that even Sai knew to do so would be bad for his health. So instead he turned to Kakashi.

“Kakashi, truth or dare?”

Their perverted sensei looked up from his book as he pondered his choice. It would be hard to drink with them all watching him, so it was a rather crucial matter. He didn’t really feel like doing a dare, who knows what twisted thing they – by “they” he meant Sakura, he doubted Sai or Sasuke cared much - would make him do to get revenge for his tardiness. But he couldn’t pick truth as Sakura had caught him leaving Shizune’s office today as he was still trying to fix up his not-so-decent attire. From the look on her face his formerly innocent student no longer had to guess to why he was so late to everything. Hell, Sakura was smart, she probably worked out why he always had amazing bed hair too. So dare it was. Thank Icha-Icha Naruto wasn’t here, that boy was smarter than Shikamaru when it came to pranks.

“Dare” he said looking back to his book yet somehow sensing Sakura’s eyes narrowing at him.

Sai turned to the others “so what should we...” Sai faded off as he noticed his teammates.

It lasted less than a second but Sasuke and Sakura shared a look, Sasuke smirked, nodded at her, then she grinned back before they both looked to Sai. “We got one” Sakura said before turning to Kakashi, evil smile and all “take it off”.

Kakashi lifted his visible eyebrow. He was certainly gonna take that the wrong way. “Well well Sakura, who knew my most innocent student would have such naughty thoughts. Well, if you really want to see it...” Kakashi said about to stand

“She means the mask you pervert” Sasuke growled.

Sakura blushed slightly, weather it was her mistake, Sasuke defending her or the fact she kinda wanted to see now, she wasn’t sure. “Y-yeah, the mask, take it off! And any other ones you have hiding your face!”

 _‘Well... should have seen this coming’_ Kakashi thought. They were all watching intently, he was stuck. To drink or not, he have to show his face either way... unless he distracted them... _'Hmm, yes that could work...’_

He looked to the window with all the shock he could fake. “Naruto! What did you-!?”

In the second the others look to the window Kakashi sculled his glass. _‘Damn I’m good’_

The three looked back so see Kakashi with trademark one eyed smile and empty glass. Sasuke and Sakura glared at him embarrassed to have been tricked so easily. Sai on the other hand looked rather confused, ‘ _Naruto wasn’t there what was Kakashi talking about?’_ but then he smiled, finally understanding “so it’s true, extensive porn and masturbation do make you go blind”

...

“Maybe you should consider reducing your time spent reading porn...” Sai continued

....

“Possibly you could cut out reading it when you’re around children as that illegal anyway...”

“Thanks for your concern Sai but Icha-Icha is worth the risk” Kakashi smiled awkwardly at Sai as Sakura and Sasuke picked their jaws up off the floor.

“Perhaps you should consult Sakura, she probably knows all about it” Sai offered kindly

“WHATS _THAT_ SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!” Sakura shrieked ready to strangle him.

Sasuke smirked at the artist’s misfortune _‘not so cool now are we’_

“NO! No! I didn’t mean it like that” Sai held his hands in front of him, knowing his mistake could very well cost him his life. “I meant you’re a medic!”

Sakura death glared down at him for a moment cracking her knuckles before deciding Sai looked adorable when he was scared. “Naw! Don’t worry Sai, I wouldn’t harm a hair on you pretty little head” she said stoking his head like one would a cat.

Apparently Sakura’s mood swings only got worse with alcohol....

As Sai watched Sakura utterly shocked at his good luck, Sasuke watched them in shocked horror. _‘What. The. Fuck. What the actual fuck! She was just about to kick his ass! Why is she stoking him?! That basted is gonna die...’_ But before Sasuke could avenge the stoking of Sai’s hair, Kakashi interrupted him.

“Sasuke”

“What?” he spat

“Truth or dare” he grinned

Sasuke glared at him suspiciously. Kakashi was plotting against him, he just knew it.

Kakashi was smart, and being smart he knew Sasuke would probably pick dare and so had probably planned for that. But Sasuke was also smart and Kakashi knew it, so he knew Sasuke would avoid dare and so Kakashi would have planned instead for truth. So Sasuke would out smart him and pick dare instead. _‘Damn I’m good’_

Meanwhile Sakura and Sai awkwardly watched Sasuke’s and Kakashi’s stare off.

“Intensely staring into each other’s eyes means they’re going to kiss right?” Sai whispered to Sakura

“God I hope so” Sakura murmured with glazed eyes before realizing what she said “no! I mean!- umm...” Sakura blushed heavily as Sai gave her a questioning look.

Kakashi and Sasuke broke their staring contest when they heard Sakura’s outburst. Sasuke’s hatred of the artist only increased as he saw Sakura blushing at him and he forgot all of his previously made plans.

“Truth” he growled, more to Sai then Kakashi.

Kakashi lazily flipped the page of his book as he hid a smirk under his mask “why have you been glaring at poor old Sai all night?”

Sasuke turned his glare to Kakashi. His knowing smile told Sasuke that he knew all too well why he was glaring at Sai. Trying to hide his blush, Sasuke turned his glare to the floor.

“What!?” Sakura asked worriedly “Sasuke’s been glaring at Sai? Why?”

“I wasn’t glaring at the stupid idiot” Sasuke mumbled, eyes burning holes in the floor.

“Oh really?” Kakashi smirked, he was having too much fun with this “so you just happened to be glaring in his general direction a few moments ago? What, you don’t approve of that piece of wall behind his head? Or perhaps you’re just against the act of patting one’s head, hmm? It couldn’t possibly have something to do with a certain pink hai-”

“SHUT UP” Sasuke growled darkly, yet only making Kakashi’s smirk grow.

Sakura and Sai looked worriedly between to two, not sure what was going on.

The tension grew with the silence and Sakura was debating whether to speak up when a certain knuckle head ninja strolled into the room, casually taking a seat between the Uchiha and his sensei before noticing the awkward silence “wow, you guys really know how to party. I knew you guys can’t function without me but this is just sad”

Sasuke for once was pleased to see his loser best friend “Hn, your late Dobe, it’s your turn”

“Oh but we are still waiting for Sasuke-kun to tell us why his glaring at me... or make out with Kakashi like he seemed to be more inclined to do” Sai reported oblivious to the Uchiha's rage.

But before said Uchiha could murder said artist the knuckle head slammed him on the back. “Congrads on coming out Teme! I knew you were secretly gay!”

To make his point Sasuke skulled a glass keeping his eyes on the Sai before turning to Naruto “truth or dare”

“Truth” Naruto leans back with a grin on his face “seriously Teme it was so obvious you’ve been crushing on me all these years. But I’m sorry bro” he patted a pissed Sasuke on the back “I just don’t swing that way”

“Really Dickless?” Sai asked skeptically “I find that hard to believe, especially when you let Itachi shove his cock down your throat”

...

“WHAT” Sasuke seethed.

Naruto tuned on Sai "were the hell did you hear that from?!"

"Actually, I heard that rumor too" Kakashi mused while turning a page " didn’t believe it until you started talking about it in your sleep. Apparently it’s quite big"

"You were rubbing you throat after you encountered Itachi that time" Sakura added looking concerned.

A fuming Sasuke turned on Naruto.

Chuckling awkwardly, Naruto backed away from the avenger "It’s not what you thi-"

"Is it true?" Sasuke voice was low but dangerous.

"Chill Sasuke, it was only his damn crow"

Sasuke’s glare didn’t lower an inch.

"seriously, bro it was just a jutsu with a damn crow that had me coughing up feathers for weeks" Naruto reassured the Uchiha "and I’m bloody not gay!" he yelled to Sai.

Sai fake smiled back, unconvinced.

"Shut up Sai!" Naruto yelled back.

"You do seem to like turning men on" Sakura said skeptically.

"And you said you had been practicing your reverse harem jutsu for a while..." Sasuke added.

"What!" Sakura looked to Naruto, bewildered "da hell you’ve been practicing that for!?"

"Well he couldn’t use his own body, no one would be attracted to a dick that small" Sai reasoned

"Hey!" Naruto blushed.

"But it wasn’t just the same person copied like he normally does" Sakura pondered” they were all quite varied... that wouldn’t make sense if they were for himself... " Sakura turned to Naruto eyes narrowing "he’s designing one for someone specific"

"Haha" Naruto chucked nervously "that’s ridiculous. Where are you getting that from Sakura-Chan? Haha. Ridiculous"

Sakura stood leaning over the table toward Naruto in an interigationary manner. I recall elements of Sasuke and Sai in your harem" Sasuke's lip curled in disgust, Sai looked bored "you wouldn't happening to be targeting me would you?"

"Well..."

"I knew it!" Sakura slammed her fist on the table "you perve! Why would you even do that?"

"It was self-defense I swear! You’re scary when you're go phyco-bitch mode. I was only gonna use it to distract yo-"

"IM A WHAT!?"

"Oh shit"

"I will pound your ass into oblivion!"Sakura lunged across the table at Naruto, but froze when her target tuned into a very naked Sasuke.

Sakura could only blush as he smirked at her "what’s wrong Sakura? Weren’t you gonna pound my ass? If not I wouldn’t mind pounding yours" he winked

"I...um.."

But before Sakura could put herself together real Sasuke's fist sent Naruto flying across the room.

"Hn" Sasuke sent Naruto an annoyed look before returning to his set.

Kakashi looked up from his book for a second confused as to why Naruto was pulling himself out of a hole in the wall. But then shrugged and returned to the smutty goodness.

Naruto stood up dusting his butt and returned to his chair. "Should have known you’d have come save her Teme" he grumble as he sat.

Sasuke only rolled his eyes.

"So, does that mean its Naruto’s turn to choose someone?" Sai inquired.

“You’d better believe it!" Naruto once again rounded on Sakura, eyes narrowing "truth or dare"

Sakura glared back at him. There was no way she was going truth again "Dare"

"Tell us who you've slept with!"

"Cut it out Naruto! The game doesn’t work like that!"

"Yes it does! You said dare so I dared you to answer the question!"

"Then I’m just going to drink again!"

But Sasuke was too fast for her and took her glass from her.

"Hey give it back!"

"Sorry Sakura-chan. you can't drink twice in a row"

"What! We never made that a rule!"

"It's a standard rule for truth and dare! Right Teme?"

"Hn" Sasuke grunted in agreement.

Sakura looked incredulously between the two. They never gained up on her before...

Sai looked between the three in fascination. It was funny how Naruto and Sasuke seemed to hate each other but came together to form a team so easily. They both stood crossed arms and stared down Sakura.

...

Naruto snapped "come on!! Just tell us!!.... It wasn't lee was it?"

"Gah! Hell no!! What are you thinking?!"

"How am I meant to know!? You like Teme of all people obviously your taste in men is bad"

Sasuke spared a second to glare at the Usuratonkachi before returning his attention to Sakura

".... Kiba?"

"No"

"Idate?"

"No"

"Shino?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. This was getting ridiculous

"It was Konkuro wasn't it!? You were all over him in Suna!"

"What!" Sasuke hissed. ‘ _I thought she only fangirled over me....’_

"Huh? I wasn't all over him!"

"Yes you were! You had your hands all over his sweaty chest!"

Killing Konkuro suddenly sounded like a good idea to Sasuke

"I was healing him you moron"

Sakura glared at the blond. Did he really think she slept around with every ninja in sight?

"Um Gaara? Ooh! Ooh! It was Sasori wasn't it!?"

Suddenly an idea came to Sakura. If he wanted to play so bad, then she would be all too happy to play a game with him.

She quickly looked down and let her bangs cover her face. Time to put her acting skills to the test

"...." the three boys stared at her and took in her change of demeanor. The realization slowly sinking in.

Naruto snapped first "wait! Sasori!? The Akatsuki guy? The _40 year old_ Akatsuki guy!? You... you _slept_ with him!?"

Kakashi peaked up from his book. _Wait, did he say Sasori?_

Sakura kept her head down "well... I didn't exactly _sleep_ with him" she mumbled "it was more like I passed out after our... activities" ' _well they wanted truth...'_

Kakashi dropped his book, Sai smiled in understanding, Naruto was speechless and Sasuke was ready to scream.

"YOU WHAT!?" Sasuke yelled. ' _No way!'_ He vowed to kill that man!... 's ghost...

Sakura smirked from under her bangs. Thank god they were drunk or they would never buy it.

Sai's smile became sympathetic "ah, was he a rough lover?"

Sakura raised her head slightly making herself blush "Actually most of the time I was the one pounding him into the ground"

Naruto gaped, his mouth moving but he could barely make a sound "w-wha...H...H-How?"

She peaked up to see them all looking at her intently.... now time to torture the bastards.

“Well after you left...it started off like a normal battle... kunai and senbon everywhere you know...but, after I broke his Hiruko... and saw his real body, it all changed. He had this look in his eyes, that smirk on his face. And before I knew it he was all hands. They seemed to be everywhere at once, like all over my body.... I tried to escape it but the next thing I know he's bound me with rope. I struggled but things got to intense, it left me panting I was so out of breath.... he was so skilled with his hands"

 “Anyway, things got a little rough after that but it wasn’t until he stripped off when things really started... heating up. He looked directly into my eyes as he slowly unbuttoned his cloak... and as it fell to the ground I saw it" she swallowed "And my god it was big! so long and dripping... it hurt so much when it pierced me, but I had to get him to come for me so I gripped it hard and pulled him closer to me which was kinda hard cause he was all slippery. But still, I pounded the hell out of him so all good ya know... I thought I had finished him so many times but he kept rising back up again. In the end I through myself upon his sword and I passed out with it still inside me. When I came to I was all sweaty and sore all over but he was finally finished..."

She glanced up again.

"I-I can't..." Naruto was lost for words

 Sai who was nodding quietly to himself

Sasuke’s face was a mixture of shock, horror and rage.

From the dark marks on Kakashi’s mask he seemed to be having a pretty heavy nose bleed...

"We sheared a few words and then he passed out but not before he gave me a present..." she smiled to herself "deep down he's actually a pretty sweet guy"

"What the fuck do you mean by present!?" Sasuke yelled.

I had asked for intel on Orochimaru earlier so he told me about his next rendezvous with Kabuto. That’s how we found you that time remember?"

"You had sex with that bastard just to find me?!" Sasuke asked incredulous

"What? I never said anything about sex" Sakura smirked at their confused faces.

"WHAT!"

team 7 learnt a hard lesson that night and never again pestered Sakura on her love life... well until till they caught her shagging Sasuke, but that’s a story for a different time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!


End file.
